So I have so far been back at school for 3 whole days. (and a month since Africa.) I have already written a paper, have math homework I have yet to complete and detention. bad beginning right?
I also cannot get Africa off my mind.
The other day I got up and went to the bathroom, and thought Oh My Goodness, I have almost forgotten how lucky I am to have the lovely porcelain potty to use. Then I got freaked out. I am forgetting.
I thought what more things am I going to forget? What more things am I going to let go and get lost in my head and be replaced by this mindless world I live in.
I am sick of it, I am confused, I am tired. At lunch the people I sat by the first day, whom I have found out picked up drinking (and I thought it was bad before!) all they talked about were empty things. Who slept with who, who drank what, and what was going to happen this weekend. I was so disturbed, I tried to talk to another girl, who I have known before and begin and conversation, but I might as well have been talking to a wall. no one listens. They all just talk, talk and talk, and don't look around. They don't see the bigger picture. The world outside of here is so huge, I have the priviledge to see a beautiful part of God's creation, a whole entire new place full of joy and the most beautiful people I have ever seen. They don't understand that it is out there it is not real to them as it has become real to me. It has become hard for me to be here. It has been hard for me not to isolate myself I have started to do that with my team mates, the ones I really should be talking praying with the most. It just hurts, to think of what I left, to think that it is gone, and what I have to come back to. The pettyness of it all.
I have found joy in the Lord, in friends and in reading Gods word. I remember that the Lord has put me back here for a reason, and I try to remember to have peace that God has a plan and to have faith in it. I remember coming back home and becoming so excited, SO excited, because I knew what a mission field school will be. I am trying to remember this excitement, to really be prayerfull about this.
it says in Romans 10:14
"How then can they call on the one they have not believed in? and how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? and how can they hear without someone telling them? "
The gospel is such great news, such exciting news it makes me giddy when I here it. WE ARE SET FREE from this world, there is a way to life, to real life!!
Romans 8:21
creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.
in Jeremiah 20:9 it says
But if I say "I will not mention him or speak anymore in his name," his word is in my heart like a fire a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in, indeed I cannot.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Monday, August 1, 2011
chocolate chip cookies
I have been home from Africa for over two weeks. I know, I have yet to post on my blog. I have decided to blog frequently esp. when school begins.
Coming home has been quite the journey. At times I have much rather have been in Africa, it just seemed so much easier there. God was what I had to solely depend on every second, worshipping got me through the next day, and I could never function without journaling and reading scripture before the day began.
In Africa, things were simplistic. We ate the same 5 different things everyday, wore the same chlothes everyday, and always had a child to hold. It was so easy. I hate to say easy, because at the time, sometimes all I could think of was what food I wish I could eat at the moment, or what I would be doing if I was with my family. But now that I think about it, in Africa God is the focus of your life of all the little moments, he is the reason for your joy all the time, because what else could be the source? In America, we have a billion distractions, we have built up this habit of independent thinking, an additude that we can survive without God. We forget that it is he who has given us life, and keeps our breath in our lungs.
I tell you all this because I am falling back into it. It is incredibly frustrating, and to keep Africa less like a dream is hard. It has become so surreal its rediculous. I just try to remember Sumaya's ears, Henry's devious smile, PT's obnoxious phone ringtone, and the awkward moments with Babboon. I try to remember relying on God to heal my headache, and not just walking to the tylonol bottle, praying for "airy bread" and thanking God for the electricity, when it worked.
I want "his presence to be all I seek, all I want and all I need" as we used to sing in Africa.
I am jsut babbling, but at least I am writing. I made chocolate chip cookies today. We still don't know any of out neighbors so I thought this would be a good way, (and less awkward) to say hello! I got the recipe off Real Simple. There is just something so comforting about baking and cooking. At least for me, I just really enjoy always just having to add some flour, an egg, chocolate chips,vanilla, and a little sugar and yeilding something so sweet. Right now that is really nice, compared to the unpredictable life that I am in the midst of.
Coming home has been quite the journey. At times I have much rather have been in Africa, it just seemed so much easier there. God was what I had to solely depend on every second, worshipping got me through the next day, and I could never function without journaling and reading scripture before the day began.
In Africa, things were simplistic. We ate the same 5 different things everyday, wore the same chlothes everyday, and always had a child to hold. It was so easy. I hate to say easy, because at the time, sometimes all I could think of was what food I wish I could eat at the moment, or what I would be doing if I was with my family. But now that I think about it, in Africa God is the focus of your life of all the little moments, he is the reason for your joy all the time, because what else could be the source? In America, we have a billion distractions, we have built up this habit of independent thinking, an additude that we can survive without God. We forget that it is he who has given us life, and keeps our breath in our lungs.
I tell you all this because I am falling back into it. It is incredibly frustrating, and to keep Africa less like a dream is hard. It has become so surreal its rediculous. I just try to remember Sumaya's ears, Henry's devious smile, PT's obnoxious phone ringtone, and the awkward moments with Babboon. I try to remember relying on God to heal my headache, and not just walking to the tylonol bottle, praying for "airy bread" and thanking God for the electricity, when it worked.
I want "his presence to be all I seek, all I want and all I need" as we used to sing in Africa.
I am jsut babbling, but at least I am writing. I made chocolate chip cookies today. We still don't know any of out neighbors so I thought this would be a good way, (and less awkward) to say hello! I got the recipe off Real Simple. There is just something so comforting about baking and cooking. At least for me, I just really enjoy always just having to add some flour, an egg, chocolate chips,vanilla, and a little sugar and yeilding something so sweet. Right now that is really nice, compared to the unpredictable life that I am in the midst of.
they were delicious!
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